She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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