so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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