meet me or not, i'm out of control
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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