I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
