Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize