U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I believe in your delicious
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
