Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
How's work?
Spinning.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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