yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
