we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Let's get the cat blown out
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
