dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
