We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
