I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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