My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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