I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
