Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize