awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
