Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He shit in the fireplace
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
