are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
