This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
