maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
