I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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