My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize