Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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