i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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