His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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