It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
