fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I still have a little drunk in my system
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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