i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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