just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just gift wrapped bread.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
