its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
why do cheetos always look like penises
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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