yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
