i already hear my dad disowning me
I wish I only lived at night.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize