we made out on top of his cat.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
