then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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