just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
