ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
