Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize