I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
