She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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