Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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