I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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