I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
