Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize