I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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