Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
