Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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