It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
