So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
