I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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