She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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