Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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