Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
