imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
