I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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