I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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