Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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