so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
