just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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