Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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