if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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