Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize