my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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