Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
