JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
