video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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