I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
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