I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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