guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
