i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
