what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
