Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
