and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
