Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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