I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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