Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize