I will die if light touches me.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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