I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
