I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
