He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
