I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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