I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
