I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
