Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
