There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize