I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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