First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I forget how to act sober
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