I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize