Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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