do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
There's always time for handjobs
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
