we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
