I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
