Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize