I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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