Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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