I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
