I must be too annoying 4 u.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize